1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 Epilogue Author's Note and Thank you's

Chapter 25

Brian helped Nick into his hotel room. He was completely drunk after having ten beers and nothing to eat whatsoever. Nick felt great and wanted to go out onto the streets of New York and see all of the bright lights and movie stars. He wanted to walk into a club and have people recognise him and appreciate him. Brian wouldn-t let him go out though, he found himself getting angry at this.
“Just go to bed Nick, for God’s sake!” Brian said angrily, trying to leave the room, but Nick stopped him.
“Wait a minute” Nick said, his speech slurred and his eyes unfocused. “You don’t wanna come out with me Brian? We can go out like old times, before you got married, before Paris, before all this shit” Nick expressed merrily.
Brian led him back to the bed calmly and sat him down.
“Go to bed Nick.” Brian said quietly regaining his self-control. He couldn’t blame Nick really, he was emotional and confused, and Brian had promised himself to remember what AJ had said in the studio back in L.A, he needed to be supportive, no matter what the sacrifice. Brian headed towards the door, and shut it behind him as he left, hearing Nick scream and shout at him through the door,it felt like knives to his back.
“Fine, Brian!” Nick shouted. “Go on and leave me, abandon me, be just like everyone else!” Nick hit a raw nerve in his own body, and began to cry. He wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol affects on him, or whether he truly felt he was alone and unwanted; abandoned by everyone who previously cared about him. He flopped onto the floor, and brought his knees to his chest. He rested his head on his knees and cried his little, shrivelled heart out. He had drowned himself in alcohol and emotion and hated the bottom of the ocean where he sat, his life above him, floating up and away from him.

Nick was curled in the foetal position on the floor when he awoke at 2 AM desperate for the toilet. His eyes were stinging profusely, his stomach cramped and his head throbbed constantly. His bladder pleaded with him to get up. He slowly and uneasily got up from the floor. He stretched, feeling the satisfaction of his back clicking. He loosened his neck and headed for the bathroom. Nick was naked when he pulled the covers up to just above his stomach. The soft sheets and the warm duvet made him feel comfortable and relaxed, despite many hangover consequences setting in on him. He couldn’t believe the things he had shouted to Brian. He hoped Brian knew he didn’t mean them. Tears found his eyes as he imagined the possibility that Brian actually thought he meant them. Nick turned his head to the white phone on his bedside table that he managed not to smash into pieces. He took that as a sign. He picked it up and called Brian’s room number.

“Hello?” Brian answered urgently.
He had been startled awake by the ringing, and thought the call was urgent. “Calm down B-Rok, it’s just me, it’s Nick.” He confessed, lying on his back, the phone to his ear comfortably. His head rested against the embracing
pillow- his thumping head was soothed by Brian, who also relaxed back into bed.
“?You alright?” Brian asked, stirring in an abyss of sleep and wakefulness in his own bed.
“I’m sorry for what I said Brian, you know I didn’t mean it” Nick said wiping a tear from his cheek. “you know I didn’t mean it right?” Nick asked.
Brian noticed a quiver in his already frail voice. Brian sighed to himself. “Of course I knew you didn’t mean it. You were drunk.” Brian giggled quietly down the phone to him, which caused Nick to smile.
“I’m sorry for being such a pain in the ass ,I don’t mean to be. I don-t want to bring you guys down with me” Nick confessed. It was at this lonely hour, even with his good friend on the phone, that Nick truly believed that his ship was sinking and he was trapped below deck. He tranquilly contemplated his death by drowning- his body returned to the sea where he wanted to be.
“-Cause I’m going down, Brian.” He explained to his friend calmly. “I don’t know if I’m coming back up.” “Don’t say that, Nick.” Brian encouraged. He was not afraid of Nick’s metaphor, and on some unknown level he understood what Nick’s puzzled mind was trying to say to him. “You can do this, ok, so it’s a little up and down, but it’ll get easier, and better, trust me” Nick sighed and another tear escaped his eyes.
“I wish I could, Brian, I wish I could.” Nick sobbed now, trying to hide it from Brian though. It was his own fault. He stated this to Brian.
“It’s not your fault. Everyone gets” Brian struggled to find the appropriate words; it was around 2 AM in the morning though.”tired” He decided on the word tired. “Everyone gets tired and hurt and distressed,think of AJ” Brian let Nick be reminded of AJ’s depression and rehab stay. How could Nick forget? “ “So don’t be hard on yourself. Beat this Nick, you can do it, I know you can”
Nick realised then how much faith everyone had in him, he just longed to possess that faith in himself.
“I just want it to go away Brian” He admitted, although he knew Brian knew this.
“I know.” Brian replied before they sat in silence for a few minutes, just hearing the other breathe, no noise of New York filtering through.
“Well” Brian began. “It won’t be long until you-re at my house with me and my family, and you can relax and be away from it all for a while ok?” Nick closed his eyes, and forced himself to believe.
“Yeah, I can’t wait.” Nick declared, followed by another comfortable silence.
“Dude, I’m going back to bed!” Brian laughed down the phone; he had no idea why he was still up. Nick laughed back.
“I’m sorry man, go back to sleep.” Nick smiled to himself. “Goodnight.”
“Goodnight.” Brian replied hanging up the phone, and snuggling down into his bed, wanting his son by his side and his wife too.
Nick wandered into sleep and dreaming wanting like Brian had someone to cuddle and call his own, even if it was Faith.
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