"I'm not jealous." Nick tried to say convincingly but could not take his fixed eyes from Kyra and AJ. He had been enlightened but now he was in doubt. She was a free and young, single girl, she could flirt with whoever she chose. But a part of Nick wished she would choose him to flirt with. Leighanne raised her eyebrows questioningly at him and giggled. Nick turned his eyes to her as if to enquire as to what she was giggling about.
"You are jealous." She told him. "What's the real deal between you and her?" Leighanne asked, turning slightly serious in tone. Nick sighed and turned away. He paused trying to gather his thoughts.
"Well-" Nick began, but was interrupted.
"Nick! Let's go!" Mark said before briefly communicating with other members of the security team. He gestured for Nick to follow him.
"I'll talk to you later Leighanne…" Nick said with a smile, happy for the interruption. Although he was going to confess, he wasn't sure if he was ready.
"Kyra, are you with us?" Mark asked her as they approached her, heading towards their bus. Nick was thankful he had not been the one who had to ask her. She eyed AJ briefly, and Nick's heart sank. She's going with him, he thought.
"No, go it's cool." AJ said sweetly before giving her a hug. "We'll catch up in a couple of hours." He suggested and she agreed.
"See you later." She said as she joined Nick and Mark. Great, Nick thought, now she thinks she's stuck with me. Nick told himself not to be such a jerk-this was his band mate after all. Perhaps if he admitted his feelings then AJ would back off….but until he did, there was nothing Nick could say or do-AJ was not out of line.
A few hours later, after cheering up a little due to a tickling fight with Kyra, which he had loved participating in, Nick sat and watched Kyra peacefully as she checked her emails on his laptop. The heat of the sun was beating in through the windows and onto his skin- he wished to be a part of it. He closed his eyes and relaxed back into his chair-all he needed was Kyra and the sunshine to heal him, he just needed to embrace it. With no show tonight, Nick made a list of all the things he could invite Kyra to do with him at the hotel. His fantasies kept him quiet and peaceful until he nearly dozed off in the afternoon sunshine. He was disquieted by the absence of Kyra's fingers ticking along the keys of his laptop. He opened his eyes to find that she had closed the small computer abruptly and was taking a drink out of the mini fridge. Nick's senses tingled, like hers had the night he had his anxiety attack. What was wrong? Nick immediately thought. He sat up on his chair and observed her momentarily with worried eyes. He wanted to approach her gently.
"Kyra…?" Nick asked instinctively trying to get her attention but she wouldn't look up at him. He raised himself slowly from his chair. He walked to her cautiously, as if he were approaching a wild lion; beautiful and unpredictable but just as equally dangerous. He reached out for her arm and grasped it loosely briefly. She pulled back violently from him, knowing that she wasn't strong enough to welcome the confliction brought by his touch. Kyra felt her chest begin to restrict. She looked up at him with tear swelling eyes. Her lips quivered as she tried to force tears back. "What's wrong?" Nick whispered to her, taking a step closer to her, but she stepped back, almost nervously, as if she were a vase that would shatter if even grazed lightly by a finger tip.
"My grandfather died." She said bluntly and simply. Nick sighed knowing she was in pain, as he watched her face crease with heartache and disappointment. She turned from him so he wouldn't have to see her cry.
"It's ok to cry…" Nick assured her, trying once again to touch her. He rested his hands on her shoulders, to which she submitted briefly, feeling the tremble of comfort he provided. But she shrugged him off quickly.
"No, it's not!" She shouted, turning to face him, the wetness of her tears glistening on her cheeks. Kyra guttered on her breaths, a feeling Nick recognised all too well. Kyra tried to get hold of her breathing as she turned away from him. Nick began to panic.
"Kyra, are you alright?!" Nick said worriedly, looking around briefly trying to find something to calm her down with. She was having a panic attack. She was shivering and choking on fresh air. He felt useless and powerless. He contemplated how he survived anxiety attacks, and how he could help her.
She began walking down the bus, stumbling slightly and Nick followed in case she collapsed or passed out. He knew the need for privacy during panic attacks and didn't want to intervene unless she needed him to-she of course was never going to admit this, so he watched closely. She began to jog towards the front of the bus. What was she doing? Nick thought.
"Stop this bus!" Kyra screamed at the driver beginning to fall victim of her attack-she could usually fight them off, but today was different and she didn't know why. Grief swirled around in her head and her heart; she needed to be off this bus. She felt claustrophobic and desperate. "Stop this bus!" She screamed again, and the driver hurriedly began communicating to the bus in front, informing them they had to make an emergency stop.
The large bus came to a halt on a dirt road, where there was plenty of room for other vehicles to pass. Kyra forced the door open and ran outside. The driver tried to ask Nick what was going on as he slipped his shoes hastily needing to go after her, but he couldn't say anything; he just needed to go after her.
Nick stepped out into the warm sunshine, the humid air embracing him as he left the comfort of the air conditioning. The sky was a blazing blue, undisturbed by clouds, and the greenery near by tossed a rich variety of green into the picturesque landscape. The two colours were so bright that it appeared to be a dream-if this was a dream, Nick thought, he wanted to wake up so he didn't have to watch her suffer.
"Kyra!" He called after her as she hurried stiffly away from him. He ran to her as she dropped to the floor, crossing her legs and arms, and beginning to cry. Dust rose from the dry land around her and she began to breathe harshly, attempting to get control over her emotions. "Kyra…" Nick said again as he reached her, kneeling down in front of her and taking a look at her. She was pale and there were tears fluent on her cheeks. He couldn't comprehend how such a beautiful sky could encase such sadness and tragedy. "Breathe sweetheart…" He instructed and she appeared to struggle. "Breathe…" He repeated softly. She sniffed lightly as her tears persisted, but she had appeared to be over the worst part, Nick concluded. She looked up silently in desperation as if she were looking God in the face and asking whether He was happy.
Nick felt an array of emotions all at once. He was surprisingly calm-needing to be as she was experiencing chaos, but felt guilty and useless at the same time. If she hadn't been here with him, maybe her family could have comforted her better.
"This is a fucked up world we're living in, Nick." Kyra said aggressively, but still physically under the clutches of her anxiety attack. Nick was shocked; Kyra never swore. She continued to sob.
"Don't say that, Kyra…" Nick said soothingly trying to comfort her. "I know you're hurting, but you have to remember there is still beauty in the world Kyra…" Nick said, informing her of the lessons she had in fact taught him about life so far. Kyra shook her head, ensuring he knew she didn't believe him. The pleasant scenery just made Kyra feel out of place. The beauty was there, but she couldn't touch it. She continued to shake her head, and she looked down to the ground. Nick raised her head, balancing her chin in between his thumb and index finger. "Look in my eyes Kyra…" Nick instructed and she wiped tears from her eyes so she could see him clearly. His face was alive with concern and his eyes were sincere and comforting, but wide and wild. "…There is still beauty in the world." He tried to reassure her, not knowing if it was working until Kyra opened her firm embrace and held onto him as if her life depended on it. He opened his soul and tried to comfort her-knowing how awful she must feel; she was stuck on a dirt road with him, very far away from where she needed to be.
