Nick was inside cooking some pasta for them both, his wrist still covered, forgetting all about his own troubles as the soft wind blew through the house from the open windows and patio doors. His problems he would have to push aside, he needed to take care of his little brother. In a way, this was therapeutic for Nick-a good start to a new stage in his life. His problems were being forced out, head on. Nick refused to give his insecurities the satisfaction of worrying about them. In his list of priorities-they ranked at the bottom. Nick was still getting used to this new quiet state of mind. He was stirring the pasta when Aaron walked in dripping water from his hair down his bare back and chest. Nick held out a fork to Aaron to taste the pasta. Aaron reached for the fork and Nick's eyes immediately widened when he saw Aaron's bare wrist- there was a collection of three, thin slits one after the other which harshly marked the skin on his wrist. Aaron ate the pasta and declared it ready. He said he was going upstairs to change, but Nick couldn't reply and just watched as he left numbly. Nick listened as he heard his footsteps on the floor above. Nick momentarily rested his head against the kitchen counter and sighed. Things were bad if you were self harming, Nick thought to himself. Nick appeared patient but he was raging inside; his stress and anger and disappointment making themselves known to him as an unmerciful aggression. His blood was thrashing through his head and veins and he could hear it in his ears, a noise as unmerciful as he felt. His eyes shifted towards a glass of water that sat not too far from where he was standing. He picked it up without hesitating and threw it towards the wall, where it shattered and sprayed its water contents. They were eating dinner rather quietly when Nick decided perhaps it was time for Aaron to make confessions. Aaron nearly choked on his pasta when Nick enquired about his wrist. He of course tried to deny it.
"I have no idea what you're talking about" He declared lowering his head and focusing on his dinner. Nick reached abruptly over the table and took Aaron's wrist firmly in his hand so he couldn't pull it away.
"That's what I'm talking about." Nick said aggressively but Aaron could barely look at his wrist. "What the hell is that Aaron?" Nick asked again equally as aggressive. Aaron was silent. He didn't know what to say to Nick. Aaron knew he had disappointed him, so he could do no more than stay quiet. Nick released his wrist harshly and continued his own dinner. Nick's grasp could be seen as a red mark on Aaron's pale wrist. Aaron put his fork down and began sobbing. Nick put his fork down too, but in anger. His brother was being stupid and this irritated him. He was tempted just to yell at Aaron and tell him to get a grip, and was near going to until Nick actually looked up and caught a glimpse of his brother as he fell apart across the table from him. Sympathy washed over Nick immediately, and he was reminded of himself not too long ago crying and crying and refusing to get out of bed, so he couldn't be mad at him- Nick was the one in fact being stupid and unsupportive. Nick was contemplating what to say or do when Aaron got up from the table and headed outside. Aaron obscured himself from Nick's view and sat on the edge of the pool and dangled his feet in the water and cried, burying his head in his hands. Nick finished the little that was left of his dinner before throwing Aaron's away. He decided that Aaron would probably like some ice cream rather than his dinner right now. Nick opened the freezer and removed some Ben and Jerry's he had bought for Aaron's stay. He retrieved a spoon from the cutlery drawer and headed out of the house, reminding himself to be strong and comforting. Nick perched next to Aaron in silence and offered the ice cream to him. Aaron accepted it.
"Thanks." He said solemnly, popping the lid off and putting the spoon in his mouth to warm it up. Nick slipped his own legs into the water, feeling the cool water on his legs was relaxing. Aaron sighed. Perhaps this was the new way to numb his pain-eating ice cream.
"I'm sorry" Nick said putting a friendly arm around the shoulders of his brother. "What happened man?" Nick asked soothingly, forgetting his aggression not ten minutes earlier. Aaron continued to sob.
"She just.she just" Aaron stuttered. "She said I didn't give her enough love and attention, so she cheated on me." Aaron looked straight into Nick's eyes as tears slipped down his cheeks. Nick nodded. It was a classic situation, which was bullshit basically, Nick thought. He taught his brother well, he would never be neglecting to his girlfriend. "I just don't understand why every girl I like will do this sort of thing" Aaron sniffed and gobbled up the ice cream as if it were to be taken from him if he didn't eat it in the next thirty seconds. Nick halted his spoon.
"Slow down with the ice cream" He encouraged. "Listen" Nick began. "I know she hurt you, but she obviously wasn't worth it. If she was she'd realise what a good guy you are" Nick tried to convince Aaron, but Nick observed that Aaron didn't look too impressed.
"No girl is worth self-harming over Aaron" Aaron sobbed harder here, to the extent that he could not force anymore ice cream down. Nick held back his own emotions. If Nick fell down onto his knees where Aaron was, he could not offer his hand to help Aaron up. He tightened his grip on Aaron, who turned to hug Nick as his tears became insatiable, pouring down each cheek.
"It's alright" Nick comforted. "It's alright" Nick's heart was being filtered through a shredder. People had joked many times before about how he and Aaron were so alike, Nick simply wished Aaron could be spared a few bad experiences Nick had to grit his teeth through. This was so similar to his own situation, that Nick was hurt, as if it were his own fault. But, Nick knew also that Aaron was growing up and was bound to go through the things he had, at one time or another.
"I don't wanna do it again." Aaron confessed. "I don't wanna do it again." Aaron repeated this four times, as if he was trying to convince himself that he was never to take a blade to his wrist again. Nick soothed him the best he could.
"Take deep breaths" Nick instructed, drawing on the techniques Dr. Belkin had taught him to relax. He felt Aaron try desperately to take deep breaths as he rested unstable in his arms. The quiet of Nick's grounds of his house made Aaron's moaning echo around him. He couldn't stand his brother like this, how awful, how unfair. Nick tried to comfort himself with the phrase he had coined, "Pain is temporary", in the tattoo parlour. It surprisingly didn't comfort him much this time. Aaron calmed slightly though and regained his interest in the ice cream.
"What did you do it with?" Nick asked, as Aaron backed out of his embrace. Aaron noticed the water from his tears all over Nick's shirt, but Nick failed to notice. Aaron didn't reply so Nick repeated his question. Aaron cast his eyes up to the brightening stars and the dying sun in the west-one last stretch of orange across a dark blue sky. If there was God, he needed him as much as he needed Nick.
"You don't have to apologise." Nick said anyway. "A lot of stuff we try to realise it does us no good." Aaron nodded. He was going through a lot of that lately. Nick took hold of Aaron's fragile wrist gently to look at it. "This" Nick began holding up Aaron's wrist so Aaron could see. "Will only make you stronger." Nick declared. Nick could see in Aaron's caramel eyes that he trusted what he was saying. "Things at home will get better, and people will stop being so pathetic" Nick smirked, as did Aaron-they had identical smirks. "Things will get better alright?" Nick tried to convince him further. Aaron nodded in hope rather than belief at Nick, tears still streaming down his cheeks, but hope was enough for now. Nick cradled Aaron again, and they sat under the darkening patchwork heaven above-two more lights in the sky.
