1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 2021 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 Epilogue Author's Note and Thank you's

Chapter 30

Before Nick knew what was happening, he was bawling. Tears were in his eyes and raining down upon him before he could even see the word tears. His rage and his heart ache bubbled over and let loose until he could do no more than cry. His salt filled tears pouring out of his shocked eyes uncontrollably. He had been let down by his own judgement. There was no worse feeling then being deceived by your own head. His breathing dramatically became laboured, and he was being kept alive by short, sharp breaths in quick succession. He was guttering and choking on his own saliva and tears. He fell to his knees on the floor, and rested his head against the floor and tried to relax, telling himself he had to beat it. That it was all psychological and he could overcome it. But he no longer knew what the point was. He was a fool, and an idiot-people like him deserved to suffer for being so foolish. He had been so stupid. Nick felt his body begin to shake, and the only lucid side in him left told him to get up and go to the bathroom. He struggled painfully to pull himself up, using the sofa to help him, closing his eyes and wishing this all was a dream, but his legs were wobbling-his whole body was like jelly as he stumbled over to the bathroom. How could this happen? Nick thought. He had been all better, all good, the best he had ever felt earlier, and now he was a blubbering wreck-again. Nick collapsed again to his knees, feeling them hit the hard, cold tiles of the bathroom floor. He forced both his palms onto the tiles and threw up over the floor. Why him? He asked himself desperately. Why me again? He began coughing and feeling light headed. He wanted to die. He would rather die than suffer this torment in life. Nick grasped the rim of the sink, pulling himself up temporarily before falling backwards and onto his back. He didnt fall unconscious straight away. He saw Heathers smile and felt his heart thump in his chest as it cried-a separate being to himself, he was simply the case that harboured it. He was meant to protect it, but simply subjected it to torture and repeated breaks. He didnt deserve a heart anymore. As he began to slip into an unconscious state, the numbing feeling over took him and he thanked God for it, and prayed hed never wake up again. The last thing he saw was Baylee walking towards the sofa

Nick? Baylee asked, clutching a teddy bear in his arms. He was at first worried to find Nick not there, but he was soon distracted by the patio doors.
Swimming! He exclaimed, and dropped the teddy to his feet. He fiddled with the latch on the door, before sliding it open and walking out into the sunshine. He hobbled over to the pools edge and looked into the light blue water that glistened brightly in the sunshine. He saw his reflection there and laughed. He moved away from the pools edge and back to it again, as if he were playing peek-a-boo with his own reflection. He began to jog around the pool his eyes gazed on his reflection in the water, shining up at him.
The water looked so inviting so he continued to run until he slipped-..

Nick jolted himself awake, and he immediately was greeted by his emotional pain, as well as his physical pain. He was still convulsing slightly, but he tried to stand. He secured himself at the sink and washed his face briefly before drying it with a towel. He felt as small as a penny.
He felt as if he were gum on the pavements of London or New York, which people just trampled on and took no regard for. He really wanted Brian to return soon. He needed one of his best friends there with him. He was thrilled to hear the door open and hear Brian and Leighannes comforting voices. They were laughing about something that a DJ said on the radio and failed to notice their smashed vase. Nick stumbled out of the bathroom and muttered Hey to them. Leighanne noticed that he looked pale, but thought better of saying anything.
Wheres Baylee? Leighanne asked, dropping the shopping by the door. Nicks eyes widened in horror, and he was awoken from his drowsiness by the thought that he didnt know where Baylee was. Not a moment later did Baylees terrified scream come from outside the house. All three turned to look outside and spotted Baylee kicking and fussing and screaming in the pool.
Baylee! Leighanne shrieked as Brian flew out of the open patio door and jumped into the pool, swimming frantically towards his son who was now screaming Daddy! Daddy! muted through gulps of water. Leighanne ran in her heels down the steps leading into the pool, and began wading through the water towards her husband and son. Her dress soaked up the water as she went, but she didnt have to go far, Brian had got him, and was now heading back to the stairs. Baylee was shrieking and screaming, and Nick stood horrified and rigid in the doorway. He hadnt been watching, oh God, he thought to himself, I wasnt watching. Leighanne wrapped her arms around Baylee and Brian, tears streaming down her face.
Go and get some towels! Brian shouted. He didnt know if he was shouting at his wife or at Nick-he didnt in fact care. Nick sprinted back into the house and retrieved two large towels from the bathroom, being careful not to skid in the pool of his own vomit. He raced back out to find all three dripping water onto the wooden flooring. Baylee persisted to scream and cough.
Thats right- cough it out Baylee. Brian instructed. Leighanne also persisted to cry and snatched the towels from Nick and wrapped her son in them. Brian cradled him, and tried to relax him, but Baylee had had quite a fright and was still producing water.
Nick?!?! Leighanne screamed at the top of her voice once she gained composure enough to speak. Nick was terrified and ashamed, and he tried to explain what happened with Heather and his panic attack, but she didnt give him even a breath to defend himself. What the fuck were you doing? You were meant to be watching him! She screamed approaching him, tears still falling onto her cheeks. She again didnt let him defend himself. You endangered my sons life! She lunged at Nick, and forced him to look at Baylee clutching to Brian in fear. Do you see what youve done? Nick looked at a crying Baylee and a disappointed Brian, but averted his eyes very quickly. He found himself praying again. Praying for them to give him a minute to explain what had happened-just one minute. Brian joined Leighanne now, handing Baylee over to her before grabbing Nick himself.
Were you with Heather when my son fell in the pool? When you were meant to be watching him? Huh? Nick had never seen Brian so angry in his entire life and he had known Brian a long, long time. Brian pushed Nick violently away from him, and Leighanne began to lecture him about responsibilities.
Will you even let me explain what happened?!? Nick argued back, becoming irritated. It hadnt directly been his fault. He never wanted any harm to come to Baylee.
No. Brian said his eyes filing with tears. We know what happened: you werent watching him!
But! Nick tried to interrupt but Brian continued.
I trusted you with my son, and you nearly let him fucking drown! The Littrells rarely cursed and swore but they both overpowered Nick with awful language in their justifiable rage. Baylee continued to wail. The noise was becoming too much for Nick.
Will you let me talk?! Nick asked one last time, before he planned on getting out of there. They werent listening to him.
Fuck what you want Nick! Brian screamed, and Leighanne grabbed his bicep pulling him backwards before pointing a finger at Nick in rage as she filled him with guilt. Nick walked away as she continued to yell at him. He scraped up his car keys and his wallet in his hand and made sure to slam the door loudly behind him, leaving the noise and chaos contained inside the house.
His dream, now fully realised.
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