He walked up to the door, to hear the sound of music through the wood. He inhaled and exhaled and then turned the handle on the door.
"Uncle Nick!" Baylee said running up to him and hugging his legs.
This made Nick smile. It had been the first time he had smiled in days, but he could hardly resist the ray of sunshine that Baylee was.
"Hey." He said dropping his bag and water bottle and scooping him up.
Leighanne smiled from a sofa at the two, hoping Baylee would lift Nick's spirits, which were clearly low. She got up and approached them.
"Hi Leighanne." Nick said kissing her cheek in greeting.
"How you doin'?" He asked her politely.
"I'm well thank you, how are you?" She asked touching his arm sympathetically.
Nick avoided eye contact with her.
"I'm fine." He was lying through his teeth, but it was his one and only reflex.
Leighanne nodded as if to acknowledge that he was not ready to talk about it.
A burst of laughter came from the recording booth where AJ and Brian were messing around. They hadn't spotted him yet.
Writer Chris Farren and producer John Fields greeted Nick with a hand shake each. Leighanne entertained Baylee while they talked business for the song "Crawling Back To You."
Brian and AJ soon came out of the booth and greeted Nick also, treating him as normally as possible.
At about two o'clock in the afternoon, after parts had been handed out, and a couple of recordings done, Nick stood outside for a while in the sunshine waiting for his turn. He removed his shirt, leaving him in the white vest he had chosen. He sat on the concrete and breathed in the air, and listened to the near blissful silence, aside a few birds. He was thankful for this tranquillity even if it were only for five minutes. He wasn't hearing newsreaders accuse him of beating a woman, nor fans nor critics alike picking at his ever fault. He loved his fans, but they could be as equally cruel as they were generous.
"Hey." Brian interrupted his silence.
He was holding a small, strawberry yoghurt tub Baylee had failed to finish. He had also brought a banana for Nick. Brian sat down next to him and offered him the banana which he took and began to peel back the skin as Brian finished the yoghurt.
"How are you doing?" Brian asked calmly, he slyly spotted the bruises- One on his head, and a couple on his right arm.
"Why don't people just say they're worried about me, and quit with the bullshit?" Nick said spitefully.
Brian remained calm still. He knew Nick was simply bouncing his emotions off of him, and he learned a lot from these sessions whereby he would listen and advise the best way he knew how.
"I'm only a man who lost the woman he loves…" He shrugged in sarcasm. "No big deal right?" He looked at Brian whose eyes were comforting to him, as they always had been, even when he was a teenager, Brian was the one he'd run to. But things had evolved and changed- he was still "Frack", and to him Brian was still his "Frick" but it wasn't like it used to be. Nick didn't know if that was a good or a bad thing.
"Yeah it's a big deal." Brian comforted. "No one expects you just to be fine after a handful of days Nick…" Brian reassured. There was a brief silence.
"Did you hear what she said about me?" Nick asked sorrowfully.
"Yeah I did." Brian told him. "But we know the truth, she's just being…" Brian searched for the appropriate word.
"…Her." Nick finished. "She's just being her." Nick pulled his knees to his chest and rested his head there. He felt a gentle pat of a hand on his back. Brian heard him sob quietly.
"Come on Nick…" Brian encouraged. "She's not worth it."
"Just say it Brian, get it over with." Nick said raising his head and looking at him.
"Say what?" Brian questioned, although he well knew what Nick wanted him to say. But he wasn't going to.
"Tell me "I told you so."" Nick asked.
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because we told you our opinions and you made the choice. No one is here to judge you, we care about you, and everyone makes mistakes."Brian said soothingly.
"Yeah but it always seems to be me who screws up…" Nick trailed off and wiped a stray tear that had fallen onto his cheek with his palm.
Brian had seen him cry, but he didn't want him to see him cry now.
His pain contrasted to the beauty that surrounded him and the studio.
"That's life." Brian said before breaking into song. ""That's what all the people say"" He sang to Nick and then chuckled to himself.
Nick smiled at him.
Brian's face dropped to a serious expression.
"Everything happens for a reason, Nick."He comforted.
"She wasn't the one for you."
Nick nodded trying his best to believe Brian. In his heart of hearts, Nick knew Brian was right- but did he fully believe it was true? Not yet he didn't. Nick took the last bite of his banana and thought while he chewed.
"We're here for you Nick." Brian stated. "Have we ever let you down?"
Nick shook his head.
"Do you trust me?" Brian asked.
"It's not a matter of trust, Brian…-" Nick said, however, Brian interrupted.
"-Yeah it is. Do you trust me?" Brian repeated.
"You know I do." Nick admitted.
"Then trust what I say." Brian said. "It'll be alright. You've gotten through this a couple of times already, but you'll be fine."
"It's just so hard…" Nick said trailing off, again nearly giving into his tears.
"I know." Brian empathised, putting an arm around Nick's shoulders.
"I loved her…" Nick whimpered, before restoring his head to his knees and sobbing. Brian knew saying "I know" again wouldn't help.
Brian understood that Nick simply needed someone with him to guide him. But Brian understood further that Nick wasn't the teenager he met all those years ago, he was a man now, and couldn't be cradled at every sign of crisis- but Brian couldn't help himself. Nick was his friend, his brother and his band-mate. He couldn't leave him stranded on a boat in a storm, if Brian knew he could reach him. Some time later after some lunch, and another "you don't need Paris" talk with AJ and an explanation of his bruises to Kevin, Nick was in the booth with headphones on. He looked out of the glass to see his band mates sitting on various chairs and sofas watching and waiting for him to sing along to "Crawling Back to You." John Fields sat at the decks, preparing to replay the track to Nick. Nick viewed the lyrics next to his scrawled name. He knew the lyrics, but was just making sure. He had sung along to the song with headphones on at his house. He was sitting on his laminate flooring in a pair of shorts and a jumper, with Paris' arms around his chest as she sat behind him listening and feeling him breathe. He shook the thought from behind his eyes as the image became blurry with tears. He reminded himself that he needed to be professional, and could not let his emotional problems interfere with his work. He once again eyed the people that relied on him to deliver. As he did so, he felt beads of sweat trickle down his back under his vest. Baylee was playfully wearing his jumper.
"OK Nick, let's try shall we?" John Fields encouraged and played the track into Nick's headphones.
He heard the last few lines of the chorus, and closed his eyes. He concentrated. He began to sing… "I know you're-" Nick was immediately halted. He had begun on the wrong note. His nerves and insecurities were creeping up on him. He sipped on some water and apologised before trying again. After numerous attempts, Nick began to feel frustrated. His career was the only thing he had control over, and that seemed to be crumbling between his fingers. The lyrics "I was lying to myself, now I'm dying in this hell…" haunted him; it sent shivers through his every fibre. This wasn't just about Paris anymore.
